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Throw yourself

“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.” - C Joybell

Life is unpredictable. I cannot say that 10 years ago I had any idea where our lives were going. I have changed work locations 4 times in 13 years. Ryan has went from Farming, to Tool and Die, to installing Solar Panels, and then surprisingly working with my Dad in the Farm Equipment business. 2 years ago I thought we would be working with my Dad forever, along with my brothers, and eventually running the business.

In a shocking turn of events, my husband and one of my brothers decided to buy their own business, and start our own family legacy and story. In a business they have to learn on their own, making their own mistakes and celebrating their own wins.

The other thing about this exciting business adventure is that its on a farm, and it made sense for one of us to buy the farm and not have to move the business. I didn't think we could make it work, and I never thought we would move out of the school district we are currently in. I imagined my entire life surrounded by a community I grew up in, and familiar last names and faces for my kids their whole life.

but now

we are moving

We aren't moving THAT far away. Maybe some think I sound dramatic but I am nervous about starting over in a new community, a new school for the girls, and a new FOREVER home. I had Shae in our bedroom at our first home. It was our first house and we built it into a cozy home. Now we get to start fresh and put effort and work into a home/property that ideally will be in our family for a long time.

Its exciting.

Its scary

Its consuming

I have never been scared of change, and we honestly had grown out of our house. I am super excited to watch Ryan and my brother build this company and how it could change our families lives.

In times of change I can feel...flighty? I am going to name it 'Sanxious'. It feels like my soul is anxious. Its like I can't take a deep breath and I am just rushing through every moment. I feel whatever the opposite of 'grounded' is. I am not rooted in my life right now. The moments I feel fully present in the last few weeks are few and far between and that plays on my soul.

I try to keep my self care in check, but when I am not in my own space in my normal routine I find it very difficult. I hate this flighty anxious feeling though and want to work on myself for the next week and stay as focused in and rooted as possible. Going to be a challenge with listing our house Tuesday! Wish me luck.

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