• Me

Its not my purpose to make life 'perfect' for my kids

I'm not going to lie about it.

For the most part I have super easy kids. I don't think i take it for granted. I know how lucky i am that they get along usually, and are pretty good listeners.

BUT the last two weeks have thrown me for an absolute fucking loop. Both of them loosing their minds over the weirdest things and I am not sure what is going on. I am sure google would have a million hippie answers like 'the eclipse', 'they've had too much gluten/sugar/dairy', 'you're not connected enough to them', 'you're too attached to them'...seriously.

How the fuck is any mom supposed to maintain sanity in this world where if we aren't judging ourselves harshly enough the rest of the world will be sure to do it.

They are both in dance camp the last two weeks, and Ev had a major freakout yesterday because she didn't want to go and listed many reasons, none of which I know how to help her solve.

She said there is a teacher who is mean, there is too many kids (I agree here), and she misses me too much to get through the day.

Cute - Yes.

But I've paid for you to be in camp, so you're going.

Also: ITS CAMP! What is she going to do in grade one when its actual work they have to be doing!

She keeps telling me she has a sore tummy, and I get it. Its nervousness or anxiety. I hear her. However she can't stay home and quit everything because of that, she need to push through it, right?

*cue Mom panic and over-worrying mode*

I ended up forcing her to go today, and beating myself to death with mom guilt for approximately 2 hours including a tearful car ride to work.

Shae has been inconsolable 4 times in the last week about insane things, things that haven't bothered her in the past. She is getting more neurotic about what she wears and more whiny then ever before. Welcome to 4 year olds!

I tried to leave the house last Saturday and she wasn't having it. She screamed, cried, kicked, clung, ran down the drive way after me. Ryan was in the shower and she didn't want Everleigh and I to leave.

I was so defeated by the time I got in the car.

And I let it get to me.

I cry. I pull away. I question my ability to parent properly. It is something i've done to create these feelings for them?

How do I help them manage all of these emotions?

I know I can't learn it all at once, but i do sometimes wish there was a Masters in Parenting I could have studied before this. Lately it feels like I'm drowning.

so I read, and google, and research, and come across a quote that speaks to me.

I cling to it now for dear life

Its not my purpose to make life perfect for my children.

I can't protect them from difficulty.

They need to learn hard lessons.

* * * * * * * * * * *

now how can I learn to sit back and trust the process

#parenting #itsnotallsunshineandrainbows #drowning #failure

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