Its so quiet in here *2 weeks of no Social Media*

I can sum up the 2 weeks in one sentence.

Where's all the noise?

Noisy is what my brain feels like on social media. Constant stimulation and thoughts.

And a lack of control over those things.

The silence and and spaciousness has felt delicious.

We went to Niagara Falls this past weekend with two other families and their kids and it was so chill. No one in a hurry, no one with a crazy agenda. Kids running around free and wild, and us sitting around enjoying some drinks. It was amazing to be fully present and engaged in the whole weekend. Watching the girls build friendships and grow their independence has been one of my favourite things as a mom so far.

I've had great conversations with people all week about social media and my little project. Most people are saying they are inspired by what I am doing. That they wish they could do it themselves. You hear the normal concerns, "I can't give up Facebook because school", " I can't give up Instagram because I need it for work"... I hear this, and definitely there are aspects that make the decision more difficult. My business partners and I had some lengthy, heated discussions about how I will be able to pull my weight with marketing without being on Instagram. As of right now we have it figured out but I am sure month to month we will need to make adjustments so no one is feeling resentful. That's incredibly important to me! But so is this experiment. Always trying to find balance.

I was listening to Dax Shepard's podcast where he interviews Brene Brown and they were talking about 'numbing' and I thought it perfectly summed up what I was using social media for. Being someone who has an addictive personality, it was a slippery slope.

“Shame enters for those of us who experience anxiety because not only are we feeling fearful, out of control, and incapable of managing our increasingly demanding lives, but eventually our anxiety is compounded and made unbearable by our belief that if we were just smarter, stronger, or better, we’d be able to handle everything. Numbing here becomes a way to take the edge off of both instability and inadequacy. [Also,] Feeling disconnected can be a normal part of life and relationships, but when coupled with the shame of believing that we’re disconnected because we’re not worthy of connection, it creates a pain that we want to numb.”

Brené points out that the same activity could be numbing for one person, and energizing and truly comforting to someone else. Watching TV can be a numbing activity, or an engaging activity. Working, eating, drinking wine…how do they make you feel? The same activity can be numbing at one time, engaging at another. We must look closely at ourselves, to know." - quote from Psychology Today

I love that this quote points out it doesn't have the same effect on EVERYONE. I have struggled with overthinking that people think I am judging them for still being on social media. I don't want anyone to think that I am secretly thinking they are making poor choices. Its a different feeling evoked from scrolling for everyone and I realize that.

I feel that so deep in my soul, the numbing. If I was feeling stressed, anxious, bored, I would reach for my phone. But what I would find there would rarely build me up. More often it was tearing me down, or I should say, I WAS ALLOWING IT TO TEAR ME DOWN. I am a firm believed no one can make you feel anything, and the same goes for social media. If my mental health was in a great place I would be less susceptible to the 'not enoughness'.

I was absolutely habitually distracting myself from thinking. Really thinking about where any stress or discomfort was coming from in my life. I am terrible at being vulnerable, and letting people in, and that's becoming glaringly obvious. I love listening to other people talk to me about their lives, and helping them work through anything, but I rarely let anyone into my soul. Add it to the list of things to work on...