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The addiction of 'busy'

This is going to be a rambling post, so i'll apologize in advance.

We are all busy. I know. Everyone has their things going on. SO many things.

I'm not sure if its the weather, the moon, but lately I feel like 90% of the time there is an anvil sitting on my chest.

As if I can't take a full breath.

There is just so much to do. I try to find that work-life balance that everyone talks about. Its difficult to say no to opportunities, new clients, and business ideas. Its difficult to let anything slip.

Theres the food planning, and food prep, and macro counting.

Not to mention the fitness.

There is the client booking, rebooking, cancellations, being on call for births, attending births, moving clients, actually massaging clients, returning phone calls, and making sure my website is in top form. Oh and don't forget to make sure your instagram is interesting, aesthetically pleasing and also builds your brand!

There is the friends. Who do I need to text and catch up with?! Who do I need to book a coffee date with? When can we do a girls night? When can we plan a couple's night?

There is the marriage. Be nice, have sex often enough, smile, listen, be present, have interesting conversation. Be a great wife.

There is the house hold duties... oh the house. Laundry, cleaning, tidying after the tornado of kids, organizing, and scooping the litter and feeing the animals.

There is the KIDS! Help them learn how to read, and eat healthy, and make sure they are being active, and outside enough. Make sure they are kind, well behaved and good listeners. Check their backpacks, return the notes from school, schedule the birthday parties, and don't forget to return the library book. BE present with them! Listen to them, teach them, make sure they are emotionally supported.

There is a lot more than is even on this list. To write it out like that even makes my heart race. I don't even know why i'm writing this right now, maybe its because I haven't blogged in forever and I feel a slight obligation.

When I started this blog I always promised; I blog for me. I write. Its therapeutic. Its like wringing all the thoughts and feelings out of a cloth and trying to get it to make some fucking sense. Where can I find some relaxation? What can I cut back on, or push a little less for that may free up some space in my cluttered, flighty mind right now.

I had a full out crying break down at the gym the other day. Like curled up in a corner bawling. Thankfully my kids were the only other ones there. I cried for a solid 20 minutes, message Ryan some rambling of thoughts similar to those blog post and then never brought it up again.

Its hard. All of it.

I love my life, I do. I love my job, I love being fit, I love eating well. I obviously love my husband and my kids.

My job I think is taking more out of me emotionally than I am able to keep up with repair wise. I have done 7 births in the last 6 months. Please don't get me wrong I ADORE my job. Its worth everything I need to sacrifice to do what I do. However it takes a lot of empathetic, emotional, mental energy to do it. RMT and Doula.

I feel like my business is growing at such rapid rate I haven't had enough time to sit down and really BUILD a self care strategy that I can rely on to help my repair my soul from my job.

I sometimes feel like I am sinking slowly into quicksand. Like I can't catch a breath. Like I'm running on empty.

ideally my next post will be about how to NOT feel like i currently do.

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