This week I missed the easy attention and connection from Instagram.
i missed being able to share we lost someone very special to us this week, to be able to express myself on a social platform. When you share a obituary or memorial post, Your friends know you’re sad, they reach out = you feel somewhat happier. I felt like this week I was missing out on some sort of rite of passage when someone passes where you share your feelings about them and share the grieving online.
When we lost my moms partner Michael this week it was very hard to even just be vulnerable and reach out and tell my closest friends. I found it awkward. But why isn’t it awkward to post it for 800+ people to read. I have comfort in knowing Michael passed feeling appreciated and adored. I don’t need the world to know that. I know that’s not why everyone posts about a death either. My family members posted for my mom I’m sure and that’s exactly why I was judging myself for not. I do find it so easy to express myself in writing and especially on the internet. But I don’t want to rely on that. I wish to be better at sharing my true feelings to peoples faces.
I find it interesting that we find ourselves in a culture where the norm is to post about deaths. And also to comment our condolences all over Facebook.
I know my mom has found great comfort in hearing stories shared from Michaels friends that she may not have heard otherwise and that is a blessing. Being able to come together in the face of a tragedy and show up for each other on social media is definitely one of the perks. It’s easy.
Michael was an absolute welcome addition to our family. He embraced my kids as if they were his own grandchildren and they were so lucky to have such a joyous spirit in their life. If even for a short time.
He will be remembered with laughter and smiles and appreication for the love he provided to my mom.
What I’ve been learning through this experience;
I challenge myself with this experiment: HOW DO I SHOW UP BETTER.
We can get away with a few seconds of typing and sharing a memory, or an ’i’m sorry, let me know if there is anything I can do’ and feel like we’ve done our due diligence. depending on your relationship with the person.
to my people; I want you to expect more from me. I want to attend visitations to support you and give you a hug. I want to send you flowers. I want to just invite you over for tea and trash tv and not talk about it but just laugh (thank you Meagan for knowing what I needed when I didnt even know). I want to call you on the phone. I want to plan a lunch date instead of just saying it. A comment on social media is a lazy persons way of staying connected and I’m enjoying the challenge of showing up more.